no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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