2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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