Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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