is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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