tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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