What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
