I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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