dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
