By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
