They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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