i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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