Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
