Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
