why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
