it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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