It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Fuck appropriateness.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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