why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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