i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
