Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
