So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
