Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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