Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
