i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
