Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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