If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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