It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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