garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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