in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
