dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
