OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
