The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
