One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
