His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
