I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
