so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
