Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
