Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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