I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
