My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
