Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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