I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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