I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
look no pants
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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