just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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