He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
