Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
