I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
