She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
