Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You may now shotgun with the bride
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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