I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
