the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
