Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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