Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
