I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
