so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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