Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
