the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
