Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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