I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
